if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
