I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
