I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
