just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
