My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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