I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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