You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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