I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
