Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
