you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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