My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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