Need sex. Gaining weight.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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