So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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