Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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