Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
