my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
