she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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