Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
