There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
