ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
