y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
