is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
