It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
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