Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
