i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
