The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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