I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I supernannyed him into submission
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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