Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
