I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
