he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
