Do you still have your period?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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