we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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