They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
