Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
