Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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