every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
