Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
