he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
