Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
