I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
