Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
