he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were trust falling into bushes
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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