Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will die if light touches me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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