I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
