Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
