I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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