Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
