He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
