FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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