Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
