Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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