im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She made me pour olive oil on her.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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