Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
