At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
