God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
