so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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