Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
