did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You smell like stripper and shame
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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